Last year when I wrote about my girlfriends and the meaning of Galantine’s Day, I thought I had said about all there was to say. Galantine’s Day, a nonofficial holiday, is a day for women to celebrate their friendships with their lady friends.
But this year, I realized there are some things in life that we would rather go through with our girlfriends. It doesn’t matter how supportive our families or husbands are; there are some things such as heartbreak and sadness, or feeling vulnerable, that are easier to endure with that friend you’ve known for a while. For me, it was being physically unable to do those routine activities that I had taken for granted.
During the last week of January, I had back surgery. Looking back, I should have realized any kind of back surgery is a major undertaking, but the kind I had, requiring six screws and two pins to stabilize the area, was especially extensive. Initially, I had visions of taking it easy and being back at work within a couple of weeks. With a ‘desk’ job, a quick return is possible, but I soon figured out, it sure isn’t desirable.
After release from the hospital, my incredibly patient, ready-to-help, compassionate husband was ready to whisk me off to our little country house. Intuitively I wanted to spend those first days at our regular home and for whatever reason, I didn’t want to ride in a car for two-and-a-half hours immediately following surgery. I knew I’d be at the country place soon enough, but for now, I wanted to be at home. With livestock to tend, he reluctantly agreed but he wasn’t too happy with me.
Being at home meant having friends who were willing to sit with me around the clock and friends I have. Since I had to eliminate all the BLTs from my life (Bending, Lifting and Twisting), I would be pretty dependent on someone else. It’s amazing how often we use those maneuvers especially bending—just putting on shoes and socks took on a whole new perspective and a huge effort. Every joint from my waist down ached and oddball pains shot through my body reminding me of the description of the position of my body during surgery. Legs spread and secured, on my tummy for over three-plus hours, (Egads!); no wonder I hurt far beyond the incision site.
Whether it’s physical activities or being on one of those emotional roller coasters, we all tend to board every now and then, Galfriends won’t let you overdo or stay on the wrong track too long. While they won’t hover around you, their presence is immediate and palpable. The women who stayed with me, the others who brought lunch, or those who checked on me throughout the day all had one theme: I’m here. They didn’t ask what you needed; they just did what they figured you needed or wanted, which was always more than enough.
When it was time to take that first real walk, my friend, Margie, walked beside me, ready to catch me if I became unstable. There was no hurry. Her quiet, unassuming manner was comforting. It felt much the same way girlfriends do in those crisis times in life—no matter how much grief or anguish we are experiencing, they are there. They walk, sit, and stand beside us, ready to provide that steadying hand.
These days leaders talk about the importance of being vulnerable, of opening up, of admitting that we don’t have all the answers. But leader or not, having to ask for help for a task that you could easily accomplish the day before is beyond humbling and, in its own way, frightening.
Like I said, there are times when being with a girlfriend is the only place to be. It was during those first days following surgery that I realized I had been given a priceless gift-- one that cannot be purchased in any store—the healing balm of friendships.
Think about the last time your girlfriend was there beside you and let her know what it meant to you. It’s a great way to celebrate her on Galantine’s Day.